literatura: Tres relatos inéditos: Recomponiendo a Festina

Tres relatos inéditos: Recomponiendo a Festina

Autor: Juan Riquelme

Juan Riquelme: Nací en España pero vivo en Nueva York desde hace diez años. Vivo gracias a una serie de accidentes laborales, haciendo de todo, traducciones, tesis de fin de carrera para alumnos torpes, transcripciones para la Universidad de Columbia, camarero en un espectáculo de flamenco en Manhattan, pintor de brocha gorda, ayudante de fotógrafo, profesor de español, etc. Cualquier cosa no demasiado seria que me permita seguir escribiendo. He ganado algún que otro premio literario de teatro, como el de San Sebastián en el 1999 y la Mención de Honor del Lope de Vega o el de la Sally Van Lier en Nueva York, donde se produjo mi primera obra de teatro en off-Broadway en 1998, Muelle #13. Tengo dos libros publicados, una obra de teatro llamada Veinte años de Agnes (Editorial Kutxa, 1999) y una novela, La soledad de los decimales (Alternarrativa Editores, 2003) que se agotó en la mayor parte de librerías pero no se repuso, así que ahora no sé dónde lo venden (www.casadellibro.com) He colaborado como articulista en algunas revistas de internet, entre ellas, literaturas.com o margenzero, así como en algunas revistas literarias en papel de la ciudad de Nueva York (en inglés)
Escribí el guión de una película para el director de cine cubano ubicado en Los Angeles, León Ichaso. La película no llegó a hacerse por problemas personales del director.

Actualmente estoy escribiendo mi segunda novela, probablemente en inglés, (debido a la indiferencia y a la falta de entusiasmo de las editoriales españolas) y estoy trabajando con un director japonés que va a producir una obra de teatro mía en el teatro de Manhattan Theater For The New City.

Recomponiendo a Festina

Como cada mañana, Festina se miró en el espejo y se examinó la nariz, afilándosela con las yemas de sus dedos al tiempo que odiándola. Era necesario extirparla, trasplantarla, explotarla. Había pasado muchas horas sin dormir pensando en ello, después se durmió y soñó que de su nariz brotaban excrecencias, que en sus ollares vivían gnomos, que en su lomo cabalgaban niños. Le daban ganas de arrancársela con las uñas. Su nariz, además, le remitía a un pasado del que no quería acordarse. ¿Por qué se inscribe toda nuestra historia en una cara? ¿Para qué quería ella publicar sus miserias? Le urgía una nariz diferente, que no fuera una referencia al desasosiego, que no le resumiera ni diera pistas de su desgracia. Por culpa de la falta de armonía causada por su nariz, el hombre de su vida no se había fijado jamás en ella. Por un error de casualidad, de reparto; por capricho o arbitrariedad, por fidelidad a la cosmología o cosmogonía, la naturaleza le había adosado una nariz incongruente que sería la responsable de su soledad sentimental. En cuanto la cambiase, el Hombre se interesaría, se casarían y ya está, ese sería el fin (una vez alcanzada la felicidad ya podemos aburrirnos tranquilos)

Llamó al trabajo para ponerse enferma y en cuanto colgó pidió hora en un centro de estética (la operación podría pagarla en cómodos plazos a través de una financiación de diez años y, una vez pagado podía embarcarse en otra nariz, ya que las narices nuevas tienen una vida de máximo once). Le dieron hora para las cuatro de la tarde. Esperó sentada en una sala llena de revistas, pero ella prefería no distraerse con banalidades, una persona con una obsesión no puede hojear una revista. Festina miraba las cosas que la rodeaban por encima, sin profundizar en nada y empezaba ya a degustar una próxima felicidad. Se despedía de sí misma en silencio, arrepentida quizá de haberse maltratado tanto. Y como en las despedidas hasta somos capaces de perdonar a nuestro peor enemigo por la inminente llegada del irse, Festina hizo las paces consigo misma porque la parte fea de su ser se iba e, incluso, parecía no tener prisa ya en ser otra, precisamente porque eso era inevitable, porque se acercaba la despedida.

Se acercó una mujer de aspecto informático con cara de folleto y los labios en punta propios del especialista al que uno le entrega su futuro estético. Mientras le conducía por estrechos pasillos hasta una habitación donde había un ordenador con dos pantallas, la mujer le iba explicando partes del proceso. La sentó frente a su cara en un ordenador, mientras en la otra pantalla, una cara en blanco reconstruiría el aspecto deseado. Podía ser cualquier cara porque ahora, Festina, tenía en sus manos su propia cosmogonía. Era como hablar con Dios, pedirle un receso de la fealdad y una solicitud de belleza. La mujer no se había desenchufado de su voz ni un sólo momento:

- La extracción completa de nariz no es más económico pero tampoco tiene costes adicionales ya que hay que realizar un raspado para que no se sospeche de que en ese lugar había una nariz (horrenda, por otra parte) y como la tiene tan grande le ha hecho mucha sombra. Mire, toda esta parte está blanca. Es como si quisiera sacarse la marca del bañador y eso encarece el presupuesto, claro, así que si decidiera quitarse la nariz y no ponerse nada le costaría exactamente lo mismo y, además, le regalaríamos, como detalle de promoción, este precioso estuche de Endorseé, Paris y un pase de dos horas para la cabina de rayos uva, sesión intensiva abrasante, -con o sin derecho a quimioterapia posterior-. Ahora se están llevando mucho las caras planas (yo, personalmente, soy alérgica a los ollares de los demás) y si una no tiene que llevar gafas para qué quiere la nariz, si es más un estorbo que otra cosa, como las orejas o los tobillos.
- Quizás optaría por cambiarme una nariz por otra. No quisiera llamar mucho la atención. Por ejemplo, una nariz tipo la que tiene la tercera señora de allí empezando por la derecha, la de la peluca afro.
- No hay problema, precisamente de esas nos ha llegado una remesa, aunque no son exactamente japonesas sino una imitación que se fabrica en Cisjordania. Pero le diré algo, entre usted y yo –añadió acercándose un poco a su oído y fingiendo una íntima complicidad-, no salieron nada buenas las japonesas. Ni siquiera se desmontan para limpiarlas y, de vez en cuando, sueltan pólipos de esos de los de antes que tan desagradablemente humana le hacían a una.
- Yo me las limpio sin tener que sacármelas, para mí no es un problema.
- Mujer, eso se va a terminar. Estamos en un nuevo siglo, el concepto de comodidad está ya demasiado arraigado en nuestras vidas. Dentro de nada podremos sacarnos el hígado para espolvorearlo con un plumero o dejar el clítoris bajo el cuerpo de nuestro marido mientras nosotras nos hacemos la manicura o hablamos tranquilamente con una vecina.
- Me lo pensaré. De momento me centraré en el aspecto y en el precio.
- ¿Las orejas las quiere conservar o las extraemos también? Tenemos una oferta de dos órganos faciales por uno.
- Las orejas me las dejo por si un día me da por llevar el pelo largo y no atarme el pelo con diadema alguna.

Como el centro estaba ubicado en un barrio marginal el local era pequeño (a eso lo llamaban “intimista”, que, muy a menudo puede sustituirse por “cutre” o “decadente”) y las clientas se encontraban una al lado de la otra, como en el paredón esperando los disparos de la tecnología, frente a un ordenador que reflejaba la zona del cuerpo donde se encontraba el miembro a rectificar. La primera mujer veía sus pies en la pantalla: uno con juanete y otro sin. Como no podía sacarse el juanete del pie derecho (según dijo una, por miedo a despertarle un cáncer, aunque en su caso la quimioterapia iba incluida en el presupuesto) quiso que le implantaran otro juanete en el izquierdo y así compensaría.

- Usted sobre todo no se preocupe que si surgen anomalías se las quitamos también con unas radiaciones inocuas. “No hay nada que no pueda sustituirse” es nuestro slogan. “Dolor sin agujas” era el anterior pero como no resultaba lo anulamos.
- Ah, no, si van a usar agujas me quedo con el juanete. Soy alérgica a las punciones, sobre todo si son lumbares.
- Como somos conscientes de la hipocondría de nuestras pacientes, nuestros métodos se basan en la hipnosis y, gracias a esta técnica revolucionaria podemos destruir algún que otro trauma que le moleste o, ya metidos en su cerebro causarle alguna parálisis, ganglio o hematoma.
- Pues mire, ya me he decidido, me saca el juanete y me borra las palizas de mi padrastro y me añade una violación voluntaria en un viaje a Marruecos.
- Para insertar sensaciones vaginales tendrá que ir a nuestra otra dirección.
- ¿El mismo día?
- No, eso se hace en días separados por lo del traslado. Piense que al abrirle el subconsciente y el pie le sería muy difícil subirse a un autobús.
- Si me va a salir más barato no me importa y así también les hago publicidad con la sangre y los gritos.

La pantalla de la segunda mujer reflejaba sus inmensas caderas. Quería que se las estrecharan o que se las quitaran por completo. Cuando Festina pasó por detrás de la señora, oyó que la doctora, esteticiene o lo que sea le decía que si le quitaba las caderas parecería un gusano y ésta que leía la sección de biología todos los meses en la revista Los anélidos y tú le contestó que nosotros no teníamos ni el doble de genes que un gusano. La mujer sentada en el asiento contiguo al de Festina quería rectificarse la nariz. Su cara era demasiado ruda para lo fina que la tenía así que quería algo que hiciera juego con sus facciones. “Esta nariz es un error, una equívoca coincidencia, a mí me corresponde otra”. Necesito una nariz horrible que haga juego con mi horrible cara. Festina se sentó y en cuanto la doctora o esteticiene le propuso cambiarse la nariz por completo la doctora o esteticiene de al lado lo escuchó y se les ocurrió una idea: “¿Por qué no intercambian las narices? Nosotras ganaremos tiempo y ustedes dinero. Será un intercambio rápido. Apenas tendremos que poner anestesia. Si les duele levantan la mano y ya está”
Festina y Clotilde se miraron sin saludarse: ambas deseaban ardientemente la nariz de la otra y les resultaba incómodo aceptar que una tenía algo que le pertenecía a la otra. De haberse cruzado por la calle se la hubieran arrancado mutuamente sin el menor reparo. Ojalá no tuvieran ni que hablarse porque no se cayeron bien pero el interés les obligó a iniciar una conversación de fórmulas. Qué tal, yo bien, gracias, o yo bien, tirando, el tiempo fatal, no sé cuando llegará el calor, o no sé cuando llegarán las lluvias. Pero en seguida sus mutuas necesidades imperiosas les obligaron a tratar el tema por el que habían ido.

- Por mí estupendo, dijo Clotilde, no es que la nariz de la señora sea estupenda pero ya es lo que quiero, algo tipo garfio, como mis ojos.
- Ya sé que no es estupenda, por eso me la voy a cambiar. Esta nariz me está arruinando la vida. Usted tiene la cara de loro idónea para llevar mi nariz.
- Y la mía. ¿Sabes cuantos años tengo? Unos cuarenta y sigo igual de sola que cuando tenía trece. Es una vergüenza que pudiendo apelar a métodos revolucionarios como éste estemos en casa solas criando malvas.
- Claro, por su nariz, igual que yo. Somos dos mujeres erróneas por tener una un dato de más y otra uno de menos.
- La señora Clotilde es huérfana –añadió la esteticiene para que no hubiera malos entendidos y para que se iniciara una conversación que bien podría haber terminado en unas sesiones de psicoterapia en el mismo centro (pero con otras esteticienes)

Festina tuvo que pasarse quince días con una venda alrededor de la cara como en una película de Sofía Loren en un hospital de la Costa Azul. Recordó la película, el público estaba ansioso por que Sofía Loren se quitara la venda frente al espejo y apareciera la nueva nariz, su nariz, la nariz que le pertenecía. La nariz de Sofía Loren había sido corregida, devuelta a lo que debía ser. El orden había sido restablecido en la cara de Sofía Loren. Del mismo modo se encontraba Festina delante del espejo, quince días después de la intervención, desde el cual se había detestado durante tantos años. Se quitó la venda poco a poco, como si al quitársela, en un acceso de alegría fuera a coger un descapotable rojo y pasear por las carreteras que bordean la Costa Azul con un pañuelo años sesenta en la cabeza y sonriendo al azul del mar sabiéndose la mujer más bella, joven y rica de la zona. ¿Adónde iba Festina subida en su descapotable rojo? Sin ninguna duda, en busca de su amor ideal, el que hubiera debido mirarla mucho tiempo atrás.
Pero Festina no tenía un descapotable rojo, no nos engañemos. Ni siquiera tenía coche pero para eso estaban los taxis. Su nueva nariz era un éxito. El taxista le cobró tarifa especial y se pasó el viaje mirándola por el retrovisor como dos ojos que asoman tímidos de una ratonera. Se sentía tan halagada que abrió la ventanilla para que la ciudad entera disfrutara de su nariz. Solamente en el viaje del hospital a su casa hubo tres accidentes de coche y dos transeúntes fueron atropellados por un patinete a motor.

- Me encanta su nariz. No le hace juego con la cara pero ya encontraría yo un argumento que las uniera, como el hilo conductor de una novela.
- No sé, siempre la he tenido así, no sé de qué me habla.

El taxista no había insinuado siquiera que la nariz era nueva pero por si acaso y víctima de los nervios, Festina le contestó de ese modo.

- Si quiere, -continuó el hombre- podemos vernos una noche. La llevaré a cenar a un lugar agradable de muchos olores para que pueda solazarme en los movimientos rítmicos de sus orificios nasales olisqueando el frescor de las cocinas o agitarse frenéticos por el hedor de unos lavabos.

A Festina le fastidiaba un poco ser utilizada de ese modo y tampoco le hacía gracia eso de aceptar lo primero que se le pusiera delante. Ella sabía que había un mundo interior que todo el mundo tenía y que era el que debía atraer a los demás. No obstante, la atractiva nariz impedía que los hombres se interesaran en su interior deteniéndose en su nariz pero, por otro lado, Festina no tenía interior: era una terraza sin casa.
El taxista no era lo que ella había esperado de la vida pero en cuanto lo pensó a fondo, en cuanto se vio a sí misma preguntándose acerca de sus sentimientos se dijo: estoy locamente enamorada de Segismundo, tiene un taxi maravilloso y me quiere por mí misma, por lo que represento. La nariz fue un gancho pero ahora ha llegado a mi misma esencia y, atrapado en ella, puedo hacer de él lo que yo quiera.
Segismundo tampoco tenía interior, así que al cabo de un mes, los dos se aburrían inmensamente. Festina le mandó a la esteticienne a cambiarse las piernas flacas. Hasta que un día, por un error de cirugía (esos que se cometen con la alegría médica que no corresponde nada a las consecuencias que trae) le pusieron a Segismundo las rodillas que iban destinadas a una señora y que procedían de otra. Festina las reconoció en seguida: eran las rodillas de su prima. Al cabo de pocas horas se dio cuenta de que no amaba a Segismundo y éste, a su vez, le confesó que sólo estaba enamorado de algunos órganos de ella, pero no de todos.
Festina se deprimió mucho el día que, ya separada de él, conoció a otro hombre que, al saber su nombre añadió: “Pues no tienes cara de llamarte así”
Festina no tenía ya cara de nada.

Los orígenes de algunas cosas

Tratando de averiguar el origen divino del habla, un faraón llamado Samético, por el año 600 antes de Cristo, sometió a dos recién nacidos al experimento de tener que convivir únicamente con cabras y una pastora muda. Parece ser que los niños empezaron a decir cosas, pero no en egipcio, que era la idea, sino en frigio por lo que esta lengua fue considerada divina.
Hacia el año 1500 de nuestra era, Jacobo IV de Escocia llevó a cabo un experimento parecido y parece ser que los niños balbuceaban palabras en hebreo, por lo que se consideró lengua divina.
Una empresa cosmética de nuestros días, Color ET, ha vuelto a las andadas, encerrando a cinco niñas en una cueva durante quince años. Las niñas no aprendieron a hablar pero sí, sorprendentemente, salieron maquilladas, con las uñas pintadas y mechas en el pelo, por lo que se dedujo que la divinidad era el peluquero.

Los diferentes pasados comestibles de Leokadia

Jacek y Leokadia no tenían pensado hacer una compra demasiado grande, pero todo es grande en BJ´s, hasta las nuevas bolsas de dos kilos de Jelly Beans. Durante unos minutos, ambos se quedaron mirando la gran bolsa de caramelos, junto a su jugoso precio de oferta. Cuando un producto de lujo rebajado llega a manos de alguien que no se lo hubiera podido permitir, todo su cuerpo se ilumina de un aura blanca, tan blanca como si se hubiera enchufado a la corriente. Jacek y Leokadia se sentían iluminados.

Los Jelly Beans son unas bolitas dulces de colores que se mastican y tienen infinidad de sabores. Esa misma noche, Jacek tuvo la suerte de toparse con uno sabor a pizza y Leokadia fue sorprendida con otro sabor a pasta de dientes, a palomitas, a cacahuete, a regaliz, a gasolina, a polvo, a su misma calle Onderdonk. Leokadia supo expresar sus sentimientos a Jacek de esta manera: “De pronto puede aparecerte el sabor de tu vida pero debes llevarte varios a la boca, tienes que dejarte sorprender. Un sabor a pesadilla puede mezclarse con otros sabores soñados o con tu peor enemigo. Ahí está la gracia, nunca sabes el sabor que puede esperarte” Y con el sabor se acercaban los recuerdos. Ahora mismo parece que Leokadia esté masticando en forma de bola verde a la madre de Olenka, que veraneaba en el Mar Negro y que a veces se la encontraba sola en la playa, sobre su toalla. Resultaba curioso cómo un pasado podía masticarse hasta tragarse a la madre de Olenka en la arena, mirando el vacío, con la melancolía de la mujer cuyo marido le oculta un cáncer de colon. Jacek ya se había quedado dormido pero Leokadia no podía dejar de llevarse Jelly Beans a la boca, compulsiva y enferma como esos neuroticos circulares que buscan datos huecos frente a una ventana. La emoción de hundir los dedos en la bolsa gigante para apresar recuerdos, olores, sensaciones era adictiva…”Ahora estoy masticando a Wiktor en su barca hinchable y a la rumana que comía naranjas en alta mar, ahora me trago mi diario, ahora mi cafetera, ahora un motel en la carretera, ahora el muchacho que se suicidó en el acantilado de Kamen Briag…”
Por la mañana, Leokadia se había tragado a sí misma y Jacek amaneció en forma de esencias del Baltico. Fueron empaquetados y clasificados después de tres días en las nuevas bolsas de oferta de BJ´s a un precio que sorprendió a Leonid y Walentyna, iluminados en la sección infantil.

Comentarios

Me he divertido muchísimo con los tres relatos de Riquelme, tiene un sentido del humor y una visión de los momentos y de la vida actual genial.

Tiene un talento indiscutible.

Ya disfruté mucho con "20 años de Agnes" y despues con "La Soledad de los decimales" esta ultima no solo me hizo reir, tambien me hizo llorar de emoción y recapacitar y recordar momentos o sensaciones que alguna vez todos hemos sentido , aunque cada uno en diferentes historias.

Su filosofia de vida mezclado con su sentido del humor hacen de sus escritos una mezcla explosiva!.

Mis felicitaciones a J.Riquelme por estos nuevos relatos.

J.Henry.

Posted by: J.Henry en: Enero 11, 2005 12:37 AM

Sin lugar a dudas Juan Riquelme es un escritor que nos transporta hacía el tiempo y el lugar de sus historias...te felicito por estos relatos, los cuales han sido del agrado de tus lectores de México en los cuales me incluyo.
mucha suerte Juan Riquelme, eres grande.
TA.

Posted by: Carlos Rivas en: Enero 11, 2005 07:05 AM

Es un escritor maravilloso, habla de temas universales pero con una voz distinta. Esta voz le hace a pensar, y a buscarse adentro. Creo que el escritor le lleva a los mentes de sus caracteres, y le permite a conocerlos completamente. Festina me afectó porque ella es una victima de la obsesión de apariencia que existe en nuestro mundo. Esta obsesión sigue creciendo y no va a parar.

Además, Juan Riquelme sigue haciendo historias interesantes. Yo leí sus obras en inglés y me gustaron tanto.

Posted by: Marcus en: Enero 11, 2005 08:22 AM

En efecto, se acabó esa antigua y burda metáfora de vincular el amor con un órgano tan visceral como el corazón (mero interior).
La cirugía plástica ha democratizado los órganos, enamorarse en mucho más asequible: basta con una nariz perfecta o un taxista medianamente proporcionado.
Felices cuentos
Déborah

Posted by: Deborah en: Enero 11, 2005 03:00 PM

Ya conocia el relato de Festina de su pagina web, donde hay mas relatos. Descubrir los otros dos mini-relatillos ha sido como consumir mas droga Juan Riquelme. Tienen algo, los relatos, y en general la obra de J.R que te engancha y necesitas mas y mas. Espero que los lectores puedan conseguir "20 años de agnes", o "la soledad de los decimales" sus dos obras publicadas en España y puedan conocerlo. Yo por lo pronto voy a comer muchos Jelly Beans.

Posted by: Juan Jesus en: Enero 11, 2005 11:04 PM

Como siempre el que es un genio nunca es bien reconocido debidamente, y este es el caso de Riquelme.Sus obras son algo adictivas,escribe con mucha claridad y siempre hay un toque de buen humor.
Eres grande chaval.

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